How To Be a Plotter AND a Pantser

It’s a question as old as the Twitter hills: are you a plotter or a pantser?

Ponder no more because now you can be both!  Ladies and Gents I give you (dum, dum, dahhhh)…

THE PLOTTING PANTS OF POWER!!!!! *cue trumpet fanfare and lightning flashes*

Yes, it’s the product we’ve all been waiting for, the answer to every desk-bound scribe in search of underwear-based inspiration.pants 2

When it comes to your novel there’s nothing quite as important as a good opening. THE PLOTTING PANTS OF POWER come with a choice of 3 different openings (4 in the mens’ model) and are available in 2 delightful shades of excitement and adventure.

For writers looking to add a touch of humour to their plot we also offer a whoopee cushion insert and of course our reinforced gusset for added seated comfort comes as standard.

Please note the world-building power residing in every pair of pants can NOT be harnessed by the forces of evil.  We do not recommend the use of our product for:

  • Plotting the downfall of the monarchy
  • Overthrowing peaceful nations
  • Harnessing the evil powers of Dr Who Baddies for one’s own personal gain*

*the application of the Cybermen’s ‘DELETE’ function is permissible in certain circumstances

 

THE SECRET OF PLOT PERFECTION

 

Plot Tie-er Upper

 

ROLL UP, ROLL UP, sew up all your loose plot threads here!

Writing ladies and gents, I give you The One… The Only… The ultimate must-have accessory for the discerning novelist: yes, it’s THE INCREDIBLE PLOT TIE-ER UPPER, complete with needle-wielding monkeys (fresh from typing the Complete Works of Shakespeare) and a state of the art out-tray to capture your finished work of genius.

You’ll be the envy of all your writing friends with this essential piece of editing kit, and thanks to its impressive dual-powered renewable energy sources* the Plot Tie-er Upper costs just pence to run.  Simply feed your loose plot strands into the integral feed-funnel (along with a generous serving of bananas) and let the magical monkeys do their work.  Forgotten sub-plots and unresolved problems will be a thing of the past thanks to THE INCREDIBLE PLOT TIE-ER UPPER. Don’t delay. Order yours today.

*N.B. The Incredible Plot Tie-er Upper is powered by wind (sighs) and traction (head-scratching).  A back-up battery pack is also available at participating outlets.